God what a day!!!! Sepnt all day up until the assessment worked up and feeling sick and full of panic and dread. Couldnt settle whilst I was doing my course this morning. Got to the appointment and i told her straight away how bad i was feeling and that i was so anxious and scared and she asked what she could do to put me at ease but i said i would be ok. She was really nice and down to earth.
We went through my whole life history really - early childhood (good and bad stuff), bullying all through school, domestic abuse, rape, abandonment by family constantly over past 10 years, jacks traumatic birth, PND, my diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder (BPD), losing custody of jack, separation from phil and self harm. She took notes and we talked basics over each of these areas and how its made me feel and talked a lot about the self harm and why i do it and what triggers me etc.
She wants to see me again (i was so scared she wouldnt want to help me) and i have an appointment to see her next thursday. Not sure what we will cover next week but its a start. By the end of the assessment i felt so much more at ease and i told her i was worried that she wouldnt help me and that she would think there was nothing wrong. But she was fine.
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