Psychedelic Doodle Pop

Thank you everyone *cookies and hugs to you all.*

I am not going into hospital, the doctor didn't mention it (maybe the nurse was just meughy). So that's a big relief.

She was a very good doctor, I didn't really like her personality but I got the idea that she was extremely good by how thorough and how many things she asked me. I was completely honest (including spirits wanting me to harm people which I had said I wouldn't tell anyone, but she didn't freak out so that was ok). We went through pretty much everything. She wants me to have a CT Scan (a sort of brain scan) to rule out if I have epilepsy?? I don't think I do, but now I've looked it up on the NHS Diret site, I do have symptoms of simple partial seizures. :[ She thinks my dissociations, episodic brief twitching and falling down and "hallucinations" (spirits) could be connected to this. Since talking to my Mum I've found out my Grandma has epilepsy (never knew this) and so, I'm not ruling it out, but seeing as the spirits are real, and were triggered by my Dad, it seems unlikely, however it could be the spirits are causing epilepsy or anyway.

However, her opinion is that I have first presentation psychosis / psychotic episode. She's referring me to the Early Intervention Team for further assessments. I'm staying with the home treatment team for now, which is good because the cmht just sort of left me and my Mum says if they hadn't I might not have gotten to this state (assuming the spirits are psychosis, which I disagree with). I've looked up the Early Intervention Team on the NHS site, and they do look extremely good - except I dont' have psychosis.

As to meds, she didn't see she could do anything with them for now whilst I'm still beign assessed and such, except for my distress and sleep, I've been advised to stop taking timazepam if I possibly can (and I agree and will do, it's not helping) and instead I'm going on 5mg Diazepam morning and 10mg night (sleep). This will be very short term and will be reviewed in like a week. I am so desperate to sleep, so I'm going along with everything and anything.

I agree I am on too much medication. The clomipramine is necessary definitely, it's saved my life with regards to my ocd. The abilify has done wonders for my psychotic features (I have psychotic features that aren't spirits or the things the spirits are doing to me, which I accepted was psychotic features ages ago, so you see I can tell the difference), and they all went mad on a lower dose (and side effects mad on a higher dose), carbamezapine however does nothign for me and I dont' see a need to be on it.

Also they said at the moment I have no conclusive diagnosis (Except the whole they think I'm psychotic thing) this I was really glad about, because I was under the impression (it's in my notes, and I thought I persuaded my last doctor that I didn't have it but my useless social worker says it's still there) that I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I completely disagree with this. I showed traits definitely, still do, and I pretty muc hfitted it when I was 16-17, but I was a teenager then and yeah I wont go into that now.

The spirits are a lot quieter. They have tried to choke me, but I'm feeling a lot stronger. Thank you for your support, it means so much to me. I hope I feel be able to support you all in the future. Sorry for the long update.

Edit, I think it's a EEG not CT. Confused, couldn't understand her properly. I'll find out though I suppose.