Hopefully I'm not stepping on any toes by making this thread - just hope it would be a good idea from experiences I've had myself. Any more ideas for questions you've found, let me know and I'll add them!
Why Self Harming starts.
A lot of people think self harming is just something you do once, or something that some do to "fit in". In reality though, it's mostly a coping method of some other feelings or events going on in your life. A few people do self harm for a short amount of time and then stop, quite a few more find the habit addictive or see that it "works" and so the cycle continues. Some people think that self harming is a way of gaining attention, which is obviously very hurtful to someone who is experiencing it.
So if someone asked you: "Why would you do that to yourself?!" or "Why on earth would you start doing that?"
You could reply:
"It's something that I don't really understand either, but I started because *reasons*."
If they replied:
"That's not a reason to make you do that!"
You could then reply:
"Everyone gets affected by different things. Like a film that might scare you might not bother me - like how something that upsets me might not upset you and vice versa."
How do you stop?
You only have to look at the
Moving Forward Forum to see all the success stories we have on here alone! Recovery really is possible - but it isn't about taking away something that at the moment helps you cope. It's dealing with what made it start, what's keeping it carrying on and how you can deal with those feelings in a safer way.
So if someone said to you:
"That thing that made you start has gone now, so why can't you stop yet?"
You could reply:
"That thing can/has made me feel really bad after and *harming* is addictive. I'm finding a way to replace that so I can stop doing it in the future.
And if someone says to you:
"But I'm worried over you, promise me you will stop doing this!"
You could say back:
"I won't be able to promise because it's not that easy - you have to know what it's like to really understand. But knowing that you'll be there to listen to me if I'm feeling down/stressed/like doing it would really help?"
Getting help.
It can be really difficult to try and get help for how you feel, especially if your parents/carers are opposed to it and want to keep it secret or don't want others knowing.
So if you get told:
"You don't need to see a doctor, you just need to stop. It's not that hard."
You could reply:
"I know that you want me to get better, and I know that you don't want people knowing because of what they will say. But doctors' see a lot of things like this and they won't tell anyone else. I know that you worry over me, and by getting this help I'll be able to get better so you won't have to worry."
And if they then say:
"I'm your parent and I know what's best for you, you don't need help."
You could say back:
"I know you want what's best for me and I'm not trying to take that over. If I gave you some information about it, would you read it over and then think about it? I won't hide anything from you."
Ways you can say it.
The way I found easiest to tell my family (and I've heard from others it works too) is to write a really long letter. The great thing about writing is that you can get how you feel out onto paper, helping you in the short term. Whilst you can have your say to the person with no interruptions or possible raised voices, so it works well in the long term too. Information articles from RYL and the approved links are also great to use - if you don't want them to know you use this website, you can copy and paste paragraphs into a Word document to print off and just say the page was too big to print in full!
Try and be as open as possible - so it's not always nescessarily immediate family members you'll tell. A more distant relative you know well, another family member or even a friend of the family might be easier to talk to. After they read the letter, they'll more than likely want to talk through it with you so prepare replies to any questions you think they may have. Remember that the person you tell will naturally be concerned because they care, so keep this in mind if at first it sounds like they don't understand. Very often, it can take quite a few chats for them to really [i]get[i]it but they do eventually!
A few links you might find handy in explaining to other people would be the
"Why We SI" article that is very easy to understand and useful for anyone wanting to know the reasons why people self harm. Also, the article on
Slip Ups will be handy for your parents or people who ask why you can't just suddenly stop. There's also information on
Getting Help which I mentioned in the last part :)
Hope some of this helps you get ideas of how you can explain things to people around you! Stay safe,
Chelsea