I hear your guilt over these events but please believe me, love - no matter how hard we try, we can't control other people's actions and make/not make them do anything. You weren't at fault at all and please don't feel as if you were. I'm sorry that he felt so bad and he is lucky to have someone like you there for him to listen - and I understand how this would have triggered you. You've done so well going 5 months free, that's truly amazing! Maybe you could distract yourself by rewarding yourself with something nice for all the hard work you have put in? I'm sure that whatever happens with your ex, if you are close friends you can be there for him no matter what and that will help a lot more than hurting yourself. Take care lovely and PM me anytime you need to talk,
xx
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