im here. u said to keep posting so i am but dnt knw wat to say. actually, maybe i could post a poem on here...
My Big Fear
Abusive though you were,
You know,
That what you did was you.
No monsters hijacked your helpless body
And forced you onto me.
No, no
You did it all yourself.
You saw the signs of me and my
Vulnerability.
I see it like a curse
You know
To be so hurt and damaged.
I trusted you with fragile glass
That fragile glass was me.
Now you leave me to deal
With a lot more vicious scars.
The child you nearly left behind,
Still haunts my every dream.
The thought that I came
So very close
To parenthood with you:
That really scares me
Yes it does,
Because you would make a dreadful father
And I would fall apart,
(I would not handle that connection).
Dirtiness is all around me
Why won’t you let me go?
I hate myself
My body too
I feel your hand on mine.
I cannot rid myself of this
Melancholoy rhyme.
My soul is screaming
To my body
“Get me out of here!”.
You’ve made me feel like
Lashing out
And tearing off my skin.
I squirm and thrash
Around in my; dirty, filthy skin.
You had your fun
Now leave me be
To spend hours
With the soap.
I’ll scrub and scrub
Until I’m raw,
But you will still be there.
Go away
And leave me to
Live with the memories.
I have to learn to live inside
This dirty, gross machine.
I’m going mad
I cannot stand it
What did you do to me?
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