Can I just say that in the future when you are completely recovered from SI you will be extremely grateful that your scars on your arms healed well. I scarred really badly and although it has been over 18 months since I had an episode (although there have been a few occasions of self harm since then) I have many many scars, both keloids and hypertrophic. Some are white, some that are nearly 2 years old are still purple or red and this causes me great difficulty and bother everyday of my life. My 4 year old sister often asks me how I got them, strangers look at my arms and not my face. I swelter at work, I hide from my extended family. I have to constantly worry about who I trust enough to wear short sleeves in front of that they won't judge me. Every simple task that I do I am reminded of the times I felt the very worst I can imagine ever feeling. What is more some are still painful, they rub against my clothes or catch on things. The money I have spent on oils, creams, silicone pads to fade them has just been wasted because it has done nothing. I have to think about the possibility of having surgery on a few scars that are painful. Plus perhaps having laser surgery to further reduce others. I haven't had a boyfriend in a year let alone been intimate with anyone because of the scars. When I am 25 I will have these scars, 35, 45, 55 even on my deathbed. I will not be the same person then as I was when I was 15 or 16 or 17. Yet the mistakes I made decades before will continue to be there.
I don't mean to sound patronising and I want my words to be of some comfort to you. Because when you have reached the same stage in your journey of self injury as I have you will have the memories of this time in your life and the knowledge that you overcame it and hopefully you will go on to live a normal everyday life. Of course you will have some scars despite being a good healer but hopefully they will be light enough to just be a comfort to you and not to hold you back. You do not want the physical evidence of your pain and emotions forever etched into your body so badly that it will hinder you.
After the journey to recover from self injury I now have another journey and what is more a fight on my hands to accept myself the way I am now, with battle scars and all and to challenge society to accept me and not judge me.
So congratulations to you for being free from self harm for so long. You're making the first steps of your journey. Don't be disheartened if there are slip ups. Its just part of the recovery process for many people. And hold on and continue to be brave.
Jess
x x x
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