People do care, killing yourself is a permanent thing, and it would hurt those that care about you so much. Imagine how you would feel if one of your mates killed him/herself and you found out that s/he felt horrible but didn't want to ring you up bc s/he thought that you were too busy to care about him/her? You'd feel awful! The same goes for your mates when positions are reversed. They are your friends, they care about you. Reach out when you are feeling rubbishy.
Can you go back on risperidone? bc it sounds like it helps. Can you ask your psych about that? what did she say when you talked about suicide?
Things do get better. You've just got to hang in there and keep fighting until they do get easier. And they will. Eventually. I can't promise that things will ever be perfect, but you will become able to cope better and in healthier ways. *gentle hugs*
I'm here if you need to talk or anything. xx
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