[Audrey]

Hey,

I'm 30yrs old and still feel emotionally like a teenager. So so sick of this now.

Started harming again, doctor has upped my anti-depressants and told me there's 6mth waiting period for an NHS counsellor....

I'm convinced my boyfriend will end up leaving me, and yes, I do everything in my power to push him away (I guess then I'll be proved right). I love him so much, why do I do this?

I just don't trust anyone at the moment.

I've had the week of work and I'm due back on Tuesday. They've been great with me but I feel that when I go back everyone will be looking at me like I'm some kind of loser.

I wish I was normal and happy but I'm just not and I'm getting more and more frustrated with myself.......

I just want to break out of my head (does that make sense?)

I feel like screaming coz I hate myself SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! I have no clue why I'm like this. I'm way to ashamed for my family to know I'm like this. they've been through enough with me when I was a kid. I should be able to cope now I'm a grown up.

Sod it, what is the point anyway. I should just hide away or something and not be a burden anymore.....

Wish I knew why I was like this though

Sending love to those of you feeling similar

x