Im an atheist and have no belief in the afterlife and from that a really intense fear of death has arose. To me, its a maddening thought that one second you are breathing, functioning, and the next nothing. You are void of essence and you dont even know your dead because it just stops. Theres no perspective on that you actually died because what is you is now no more. There is just an empty vessel now. Its difficult to fully explain without ranting which I started to do but you get the idea.
Thats what I think is going to happen so that is what scares me. The fact that I wont know if death was in fact better than suffering here.
Its stopped me from going through with suicide plans many nights.
And another way to see it is that after a suicide if you were forced to relive it, think of what you could do differently. You know how things could have turned into, so now you can make different choices, get help earlier, you could completely turn it around into something new and different. So in a sense you werent suffering, you just had a second chance. Another try.
I know how you feel though, I feel extremely trapped in my belief of 'afterlife' and that there isnt a way out now. Im always around if you need someone to talk to,
Kate. (sorry for rambling)
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