I went thru a period of abuseing drugs (both alchol and other substances) to try and forget what i am feeling and although i still do it from time to time, i do it less as a way of a covering up how i am feeling but more of a way to relax!
I persnaly do not think you need to feel so bad about your behaviour..you are hitting out...their is no law against that!..but please try and do it as safely as you can..if you need too.
although i know when i get off my face i do it just so i am NOT safe and because i want to totaly not feel anything!
Your ex is total **** for letting go of you!! you seem like an amazing perason wjho is just going thru a hard time at the moment!!
But if you want to get off the drugs and alchol you have to get away from the people who were suppling you..even if they are friends..just for a while so you feel you can cope without it! then you can go and bac and once you ahve learnt to controll your intake you will be such a stonger person!!
xxx
*hugs*