[.lost.the.tin.can.]

No I don't see a therapist, I can't go to the doctors because I have been a thousand times for my SI and depression and never had any help so why bother now?
I think my friends are sick of me talking about how I feel about anything now. I had a really rough day yesterday, after a week or so of not feeling down at all - tearful and rubbish and missing him so much, and even my two best friends were like, well were is this coming from you were fine. Telling me to cheer up doesn't help.
I wouldn't know what to say if I rang anyone. (I am in the UK by the way.)
Typing is so much less real than having to actually say it out loud. The words won't come out, and I don't want anyone to be dissapointed in me, which is why I haven't even told my best friend I've been doing drugs and sleeping around.

I get that it's a way of trying to make myself feel better, and to some extent it works, but last night I was in a funny mood and thought I was going insane and you know what, I just don't even know.

Thank you, for the support though, it does mean something I just don't know how well I can soak up any advice right now. I guess I want it to store for later if you get me. If you get me you are brilliant, cause I don't even get me.