RYL Forums - View Single Post - If I'm nothing then why is wrong for me to kill myself?

Ileana · 19-06-2007, 10:13 AM

I'm the devil.
I'm evil.
I'm stupid.
I'm good for nothing.
I'm lazy.
I'm an awful girlfirend.
I'm a horrible daughter.
I might as well quit uni now 'cause I'm never gonna finnish it.
I'm responsible for having been molested.
I can't keep a job.
I can't do anything right!
My boy will dump me one of these days for a more decent girl.
I'm crazy, I have a record, I've been in a psychward.
I'm not considerate.
I'm ungrateful.
Everyone is better of with me dead so I might as well just get it over with instead of wastin people's time with my manipulations.

Basically, if I'm all of these things and more (according to my mother) then why is it wrong for me to just ****ig leave? If I am all of these things and I am constantly reminded of it then isn't it normal for me to feel like I, and everyone else, will be better of if I'm dead?

Oh, but if I even ponder suicide It means I'm sick and crazy, I have to be sedated and locked up.
No, the only thing that can help me is drugs and seclusion, then I'll feel better...and after I'm returned to the rest of society I'll be told how I am crazy because I just came out of a psychiatric hospital...this is what will make me feel better, not love and compasion, not being held and understood nah, give me drugs, hospitals, a lable and some more insults please. Only then will I want to live more, only then!

19-06-2007, 10:13 AM	#1
Ileana Amarantos Everlasting Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: The collective unconsciousness. I am currently:	If I'm nothing then why is wrong for me to kill myself? I'm the devil. I'm evil. I'm stupid. I'm good for nothing. I'm lazy. I'm an awful girlfirend. I'm a horrible daughter. I might as well quit uni now 'cause I'm never gonna finnish it. I'm responsible for having been molested. I can't keep a job. I can't do anything right! My boy will dump me one of these days for a more decent girl. I'm crazy, I have a record, I've been in a psychward. I'm not considerate. I'm ungrateful. Everyone is better of with me dead so I might as well just get it over with instead of wastin people's time with my manipulations. Basically, if I'm all of these things and more (according to my mother) then why is it wrong for me to just ****ig leave? If I am all of these things and I am constantly reminded of it then isn't it normal for me to feel like I, and everyone else, will be better of if I'm dead? Oh, but if I even ponder suicide It means I'm sick and crazy, I have to be sedated and locked up. No, the only thing that can help me is drugs and seclusion, then I'll feel better...and after I'm returned to the rest of society I'll be told how I am crazy because I just came out of a psychiatric hospital...this is what will make me feel better, not love and compasion, not being held and understood nah, give me drugs, hospitals, a lable and some more insults please. Only then will I want to live more, only then!
	"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction. "Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."