[sillystring]

I'm trying to get the computer back, been trying to contact the post office to see if they could stop shipment on it- haven't heard anything back yet. Good news is it takes 5-8 business days for it to reach its destination, so hopefully we have time to stop it, I'd pay for it to be shipped back to me, I don't care... I miss my mac, I got a new laptop today (a gift from a very generous friend who heard what happened, he has 3 personal laptops, so gave me one of his), but it's a PC and it's not the same plus I really need it back so I can sell it to an HONEST buyer, it's got several thousand dollars worth of professional programs on there and it's a nice computer....

I go in for surgery on my foot tomorrow... there's dead tissue that they have to remove, and they're going to surgically clean it and see how that works. I'm terrified of going in to the hospital tomorrow morning. Cuz I'll be all alone... and what if something happens to me? What if they can't get rid of all the dead tissue? I've got insurance, but it's not the greatest, and it's still expensive. And, I'm going in for oral surgery to remove a cyst on Wednesday. It just hurts too much for me to try to eat, which isn't good when it's already hard to eat MENTALLY... me having a physical excuse to not eat isn't a good thing by any means, and I do want to get better...

I'll be having to switch therapists in a couple weeks anyway... I think that's what is making me uncomfortable. I really really like my current therapist. But she's got an internship on the other side of the country, so she's leaving for that soon. I really trusted her, and I know she wouldn't leave me if she didn't have to, and I know she's not really abandoning me, but it still feels that way.

I just feel like I'm having to fight to just barely survive right now... and I'm honestly not sure I can continue to do so.

EDIT: I didn't want to start a new post or anything, but I needed to just get this out cuz it's really bothering me...
So yesterday, I went to this Christian Bookstore for a group interview. Well, she called it a group interview. Really, there was a group of people there, but she was interviewing everyone one by one... more or less in the order we showed up. I was the second person there. She encouraged everyone to look around the store while we waited, as she was gonna quiz us on items during the interview. So I looked around for an hour and a half, saw her take several other people back... so approached her, thinking maybe she just hadn't been able to find me or had forgotten or something. She said she'd take me back soon... another hour goes by, I approach her again... soon she says... I was there a total of three and a half hours, left the store almost in tears, because she basically just kept ignoring me... don't fucking get my hopes up just to treat me like shit and ignore me and make me wait around half the day. :( I felt horrible, for thinking I even had a chance... who am I kidding? She probably never was even seriously considering me anyway.