It seems like you're having some problems with SI and eating. (I know, I'm SO astute.)
People who SI are actually really likely to come down with an eating disorder when they try to stop SI. This is not entirely surprising. SI and eating disorders are really different types of control, among other things. I'm gathering that you feel like you have no control. You're being forced to quit, to maybe show your arms, etc.
First off, you are in no way alone.
Second, it might be worth it to look into starting some sort of therapy to talk about these things. I'd really suggest it actually. Remembering your cousin in the hospital might actually be a good reinforcement of that idea.
Good luck!
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