It's dificult to juggle college work and megan, as much as i love her i can't help but question my ability as her primary care giver. She means too much to me. She's at nursery all day so this morning all i've done is cut. She never sees the cuts but when she sees the scars she follows them with her finger and then looks up at me and tells me she's going to put special cream on and gets her play doctors set out and pretends to make me better. And then she looks at me and tilts her head slightly and says 'do you need go doctors?' and its heart breaking. It really is. I don't know how much longer I can cope, i'm 16 years old. I'm relying on the wages of a part time job to keep us going. I'm full time at college but i'm missing time there to work just to keep us going. Its killing me. I work night shifts then go straight to college if i absolutely have to. But I'm not strong enough for this, i'm not cut out to be a mother. Its like i'm cutting and cutting and cutting just to get through the day.
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