[xSoFtBaLlgirly5x]

My mother triggers me every minute of my life
she has turned me into the self destructive person I am today.
She tells me all the time that if I wasnt here she could have been up and gone somewhere and that she never wanted a little girl(I have 3 older brothers-26,27,28 yrs old).
She blames me ALL the time for her probems and her troubles/fustrations in her life. I never asked to be brought into this world...it was her choice.
Another thing she tells me all the time is that she should have got rid of me while she had the chance and that I am such a disappointment and she cant stand to be seen with me! This stuff she says is soo hurtful and she doesnt even care! She doesnt even notice how self destructive it is for me. When your soo used to hearing all those hateful words/actions towards you...you just start to buy into it and thats what I have done. I know a lot of the stuff she says is wrong but I let myself believe it is the truth. I would rather hurt myself and die than have to live here one more year with that hateful heartbreaking *****.
When she first found out 3 years ago that I SHed....she told me that I had ripped her heart out and stomped on it. That she never thought I would be the promblem child. What mother or human being at that fact says something like that to someone, there own daughter. She never once sat down and talked about it with me...NOT ONCE.
And she thinks I stopped too which is the funny part.
I just hate her soo much! Is that wrong to hate your own mother? The person who gave you life?

Well I didnt exspect this to be that long....Im sorry! I just have soo much going on and cutting just doesnt seem like enough any more!!
Thanks for caring!

<3 Ashley