[suicidal-fairy]

Hi everyone, i feel really bad posting for support when i'm not on here very often. so sorry again.

just before christmas i seeked proffessional help from anyone for the very first time, i went to the doctors and was given anti depressants. i felt that these really helped and i wanted to have the counselling but there is a really long waiting list at my GP's surgery so i still haven't recieved that counselling and the local mental health team wouldn't take my refferral from the GP unless the tablets weren't helping much. but now i think ive made the wrong decision ive refused the counselling telling them to take me off the waiting list and when i went to the GP 2 weeks ago to get a repeat prescription i said i wanted to start coming off them, so i've gone from 20mg a day to just 10mg. (meaning i have 1 20mg tablet every other day) but in these past couple of weeks i feel like i have slipped down a massive slippery slope and that the majority of my recovery has disapeared and failed. I don't want to go back to the GP and ask him to give me more tablets so i don't have to stop them, also i dont want to tell my mom that my self harming has got worse again. She is the only one in my family who knows i asked her not to tell anyone else, so how do i explain to the others that i want to go back fully on my tablets when they don't know the reason i am on them in the first place although they do know that i am on them.

i feel like i have failed, i don't want my mom to get upset again about my cutting cuz i know it hurts her, also only having one tablet every 2 days feels so strange. by the time i get to the end of the 2nd day i feel really low and end up cutting to feel something!


Thank you for reading such a long post
xxxx