My mum just said to me that she didnt think I really was sick, but that it was because of mental problems(ive suffered from a chronical stomach disease for 5-6 years). It's really hard for me, because i often feel like its my fault, even though I know it isnt. The stomach-problems goes way back, and im pretty sure i didnt have any problems with depression and stuff like that back then. I started cutting mainly because of it. I was sick of not being able to do stuff i really wanted to. I was just sick of being sick really. And I also felt like everyone was blaming me, and some even not believing me.
So, after the thing with the dermablend and stuff, when I told her it was for scars, she said this. That she thinks it's (only) a mental problem. And I know mental problems can be really tough, believe me. But she makes it sound like it's something im making up. My stomach problems really affects my day to day life, and she knows that. I dont understand how she can say something like that:/ Im also on a diet now, where i can't eat flour,milk,sugar,amyl and so on(this was a doctors suggestion, just so you know) I've been able to keep it for 16 days now(which i think is impressing, cause im almost addicted to sugar). But anyway, I ate 4 chocolate cookies just now:/ I feel so alone, like everyone believe im just making stuff up. But im not :(
She made it sound like if i only pulled myself together and tried a little more, my stomach issues would go away and my depression and SI too. But the fact is that it was because of the stomach problems I started getting depressed, and due to that, i started self harming.
Not the other way around :/
I wanna cut so badly right now :/
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