[Tears and Rain]

:] <3

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March 15th 2007

08:15
Rosie eyed up the bottle of vodka in the cupboard, clear, pure, alcohol, similar to the empty bottle littering her mother’s grave. She watched as her hands clasped around the bottle, wincing slightly as she raised her arm. If it helps him so much… The thoughts rolled around her overflowing mind, like marbles knocking into each other with nowhere else to go. As she headed out to her car she stashed the bottle in her bag and sat in wait for Jack.
The journey to school was a one way conversation of Jack trying to get Rosie to talk, “Are you okay, Rosie? You left the phone so fast last night I wasn’t sure what had happened?”
“I’m fine”
“Come on… you ran out of that classroom like a rocket crying, Louise found you asleep in the park, you were sick, your phones were all off or disconnected, you weren’t even online – now how unlike you is that? Come on Rose, what’s up?”
“Jack, just drop it. I’m tired. Just not sleeping well, that’s all. Leave it.”
The rest of the journey was spent in silence, Jack clearly wounded by Rosie’s brush off, and Rosie with too much else on her mind to care.
She spent the morning breezing through the first lessons not listening to a word that was said, floating through break as if no one was around her, and the lessons up to lunch in a nightmare of thoughts just waiting for the bell. As the bell rang she felt a sudden relief, as if the next few minutes would push her into the eternal bliss that she’d spent all morning waiting for.


Walking out onto the park she felt a sudden excitement, a brief anticipation of the knowledge that only she had of the bottle in her bag. As she reached the opposite side of the large green she sat down, and shivered as the wet ground soaked into her jeans. No matter, she thought, soon she wouldn’t be able to feel it anyway. She unscrewed the lid to the transparent bottle and swigged the colourless liquid, choking as she tasted the nail-varnish-remover taste, but swallowing the drink all the same. As she furthered her way down the bottle she found the taste slowly more bearable, and soon found she was unable to taste anything of the gruesome liquid she was downing. She had no idea the length of time that she sat there, but soon felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, retrieving it, she answered, “Hi Jackkkk how areeee you?”
“Rosie? Is that you? What’s wrong with your voice? Why weren’t you in registration?”
“Ohh is it registration already? Ahh I should come back now shouldn’t Iiii! Sillly sill-ill-illlly” Jack, on the other end of the phone, heard Rosie’s attempts at getting up and her collapses into fits of giggles, “Jackkk, I…” she couldn’t finish her sentence for laughing, “can’t…”, more laughing, “get upppp!”
“Rosie, are you drunk?!” Jack had never in his whole time of knowing Rosie, known her to get drunk, she wasn’t the drinking type. Even at parties which they both attended, Rosie declined any drinks as the ‘designated driver’ even if she wasn’t driving.
“Mayyyyyyyybe” he heard her reply.
“Rosie, where are you? I’m coming to find you.”
Rosie suddenly panicked. She’d never felt like this before, never been drunk, but she knew the actions of drunk people, the verbal diarrhoea they seemed to come accustomed to.
“Noo Ja…Jackk don’t come here. Please. I’m fine. See falking tine. Fabulous.” She hung up. She couldn’t have him coming here, heaven only knew what she would come out with. But with another swig from the, now half empty, bottle, her fears subsided and she fell back into her head elation stages…


March 23rd 1997

01:00
The girl heard her father come into her room and sit on the end of her bed. She kept her eyes tightly shut to give the impression she was sleeping, she didn’t want to talk to him, he’d shouted at her. But her efforts were in vain as she felt him shaking her awake.
“Rosie, Rose darling, are you awake?” He shook the child gently. “Please, Rosie, please don’t be angry with daddy, hows abouts we go and get some pizza for dinner? I’m sure you’re hungry.”
The girl’s father was right, she was hungry after having only a lone sausage roll that she could find for dinner. As she lay there deliberating between feeding her hunger or staying angry with her father her stomach gave a large rumble.
“There you go kiddo, you can’t deny it now.” He started to tickle the child through the covers until she started giggling when she could hold it in no longer, and it became a war between them of who could wriggle the most as the other person tickled them. All was forgiven and forgotten in that moment as they lay on the child’s bed laughing at each other, and in that moment no memory of recent events was allowed to penetrate their happy wonderland…