[xyon]

It's been, quite honestly, a long time since I last cut. Nearly a year now. Check my status on this new ryl thing and I'm listed as unsafe. I don't FEEL safe anymore. Last few weeks I've been fondling knives/blades etc, but never actually cutting, just feeling the sharpness, so to speak. I'm scaring myself though. My gf's noticed it, I know she has, but I can't really talk about it with her as she's got enough problems with the pregnancy.

I have spoken in brief to her and she tells me she's noticed I've been depressed for over a month now, and I don't know what to do about it. If I go to see anyone, given my past, they'll just label me unsafe to take care of a child and take my son away when he's born. If I don't tell anyone... well... that's why I'm here.

I can't honestly imagine WHY I feel depressed - normal people would be overjoyed at a time like this - baby on the way, wife-to-be who loves me, new house, new job, new pc, everything looking up. So why so down? I can't pinpoint it. Help!