[everylastbit]

A while ago (when my meds were working for me), my support worker asked me if I thought there was any danger to my life (basically whether or not I thought I was likely to kill myself). I think I sort of evaded the question when she asked and at the time I wasn't too worried about it cos I was coping ok with things.

I've just switched meds and these ones are really making me feel bad - I've been cutting several times a day (whereas before I could maybe go a month without it), I haven't eaten properly in over a week and I haven't slept properly for several days.

I was scheduled to see my support worker this morning and I'd kind of built myself up to tell her that I actually do think my life might be in danger at the moment cos I'm feeling so depressed and am being constantly plagued by thoughts of suicide. Anyway, I went in this morning and I was feeling fairly confident about doing and it that it was a step in the right direction. She knows that my meds have changed and that I'm struggling with a bit of stuff at the moment and even more so because of exams.

The appointment was meant to be at 10.30. I went in and was told that she was running slightly late because some of the other members of staff were off sick. That was fine by me and I was happy to sit and wait a few minutes. I was ignored for almost an hour and then one of the secretaries came in and said I could see someone else who had 10 minutes free although we'd have to talk about things without my file and it was in my normal worker's room. I've been seeing her for several months and I didn't have the energy to go over things more with this new woman and obviously I didn't know her well enough to say that I'm feeling suicidal.

So I've ended up feeling worse than I did in the first place. Surely the people who are booked in to see her already should have priority over people who normally see other people??!!

I was feeling really crap so I tried to get a GP appointment as soon as I left after being turned away...but the GP can't see me til Thursday afternoon (it's now Monday afternoon).

I'm meant to be revising for exams but I can't sleep or eat or concentrate or anything. I'm harming myself at least hourly at the moment just to try to make myself feel a bit better. Nothing's working though.

I live in a student hall of residence and when I got back to my room and went for lunch, I had a panic attack from being around so many people.

I just can't do this.

I need help...I can't fail these exams. I just need someone to care...I want someone to understand.

They gave me another appointment to see my support worker on Friday but that's one hell of a long time away and I just can't cope with this until then. My next exam is a week tomorrow and I haven't even started studying.

I just need help.

Where can I turn to?


I'm sorry this is long.