I was abused when I was younger and was incredibly nervous about the first time I had consensual sex. Luckily I was with an incredible guy who was very understanding, it took weeks of trying for me to be relaxed enough. I still didn't trust him completely though
And it's taking a lot longer for me to trust anyone in a relationship, but I am getting there. And I know sex can seem scary if you've been abused. The way I rationalise it though is that what was done to me wasn't sex, it was an act of violence perpetrated on my genitals.
Sex shouldn't feel dirty, it should be a way of feeling closer to someone you care about. However DON'T rush yourself into anything. In time you'll find the right person and feel ready. It's nothing to be ashamed about being 19 and not having lost your virginity.
Take care and feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
|