Should I warn you in advance that I check this forum every day? It takes one to know one and I am one so maybe i can help someone?
If you're going through withdrawal every month, that has to be totally beating up your system. Is it possible that it is not as effective as it might be because you are taking it all the time? Have you talked to your doctor about it? Think about it it when you take it and if you really need the medicine, then take it.
If you really need a medicine for an existing condition then you are not addicted. Otherwise, I would be considered addicted to antidepressants and I've been taking those for 13 years.
Don't be upset with yourself because you need medicines. You've been through hell. If you need something because the things you've been through are making your body feel that bad, use the medicines with a clear conscience.
PM me if you want to talk about this!