Honey, that's a lot to deal with- I wish I could give you a huge hug right now so you wouldn't feel so alone in that big house!
As susie19 said, if you want to cry for your friend, you should cry. You need to let yourself grieve. It's not healthy to ignore it. Anyone who tells you differently is wrong.
I'm glad that you met someone who cares about you and that you have a reason to live right now! There's always reasons to live, they're just not always apparent. No matter how tired you are of living, you still have strength to hold on, and it does get better. All of this will pass in time.
I wish I knew what to tell you about paying your hospital bills! I'm truly at a loss for advice. I really hope you get that taken care of.
We're here for you. You're not alone. And you can PM me or talk to me on AIM anytime for any reason! *cuddles*
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