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before christmas
i wasnt in a good place in my head
i didnt think i would still be here after new year
anyhoo
October '07 im drinking and making myself sick mum is abount going into hospital to have her hip replacement operation [3 days after my birthday that is 9th November btw]
im not sleeping and im late for work
im called up for a review meeting im told not to take sleeping tablets at 2 in the morning [wtf am i surposed to do have no sleep at all] go back to my doctor and get him to give me some different tablets or sort it out as it were.
i dont think they have any idea that at that point if my sister in law wasnt pregnant i would have taken the whole packet of sleeping tablet all my anti depressants and i probably would have thrown in some paracetamol just to make sure that i would have had a good nights sleep.
In the review meeting I broke down in tears after the meeting is over the union rep calls me into the office next door and tells me to snap out of it.
I have a manager who I thought I could talk to because he said he has suffered from depression so I talk to him about this twice and he has told me maybe I took it the wrong way maybe the union rep didnt mean it like I thought she ment it [heartless, souless human no idea how to talk to others with depression doesnt understand that depression is a disease and there isnt always a way to snap out of it]
i feel like everytime I think im ok with it ive accepted the fact that im sick im back there where i was in the begining.
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