It does sound to me like you are drinking to relieve bad feelings... which can very quickly lead to dependence, however you want to define dependence or addiction or whatever. The fact that you're getting drunk every night and cannot just take or leave a drink if it's there would indicate that drinking could be becoming a problem for you, and these things are usually progressive (from personal experience), you'll build up a tolerance so that you need to drink more to get the same effect. How would you feel about calling an alcohol-related helpline to have a chat with someone, just to see if they can advise you? Or even emailing. At least then you are more in control of the situation. I've been there so I know what it's like, feel free to PM me if you want to talk to me about anything :)
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