Thanks for the replies everyone. I needed that. I've just felt so down lately and have little support in terms of friends - since all of my friends live an hour+ drive away (where I used to live).
I am currently seeing the uni counsellor. We've had five sessions (sixth tomorrow) and I don't feel like I've made progress yet - I feel like I've got worse. But I feel like I *could* make progress with this counsellor. The frustrating thing is is that uni counselling is only intended to be short term - it's meant to be six sessions max and we're already planning to extend to nine. They're so busy and there's so many people waiting for appointments that even if they could let me come for longer (which I doubt), I would feel so guilty for taking up their time. Apparently they can refer me to another counselling service for a reduced rate - but it DOES cost. I'm not sure that myself and my husband can afford it. We're trying to be careful with our money and it seems like a 'waste'... Do you know what I mean?
I'd love to be okay again. It only lasted a short time (about five months out of the last five years) and I honestly don't remember how it felt now I'm depressed again. But it was real, I know that much. I will strive to get there again.
I have a doctors appointment in an hour. I expect he will take me off the sertraline and we'll have to try another medication. I know I've not even been on that many meds but it's so frustrating because it takes so long and I don't notice any change - I rarely even get side-effects. I'm sure many of you can relate to that and have had much worse experiences than me.
My husband does know about pretty much everything and he encourages me to talk to him. It's me that finds it hard to verbalise things when I'm in a bad state. He does find it difficult to deal with my self-injury, especially since it is not very often now, so it's a big deal if I do do it. He is very supportive and loving and I am very lucky in that respect. He understands that I may be depressed for some time and that makes me feel secure. I know I am luckier than most and I am thankful for it.
Again, thank you for your encouraging words. I used to visit this forum ages ago when I was a frequent self-harmer and now I remember why I used to come here for support.
|