I am now accepting applications for possible adopted n00bs.
Please send a resamay with job/life skills listed in bullet point, including age and work experience.
I will select a total of 12 possible applicants to be adopted, out of those final 12 a compitition will be held in a gladiator arena where a fight to the death will be held. The final surviving applicant shall be taken under my wing and granted 3 wishes, taught my secret of how to become immune to gaining weight, and how to color without going outside the lines!
Best of luck to all applicants
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