i can really really relate to what you said.
for years i DID NOT want to stop. period.
it was the only coping mechanism that worked for me. i think it kept me alive actually.
but i havent harmed in a while(dont keep count) and am doing much better than i did years ago. keep in mind ive been harming for 20 years.
*snuggles you close*
loves.
xxxxx
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