Hey hun
I'm really sorry you are feeling so bad, and are going through so much.
Despite the fact you seem to be very low at the moment, you appear to be thinking quite rationally about things, which really is a good thing. You said you know the effect suicide has on those around you. That effect is because those people around you really do care about you.
Try and hold on to that - there are people who care. It may seem like that's not enough sometimes, but it is. Love is the best thing anyone can ever give you, try and hold on to it with all your strength.
Is there anyone you can speak to about how you are feeling? Your GP perhaps? Professional help really could do some good hun.
You said you're a fighter - keep fighting. There is no point at which someone should say enough is enough in terms of their life. Things can and will get better hun, you just have to keep fighting your way through the bad times to reach the good times.
Try and keep safe, if you need to, then try the Samaritans or speak to your GP.
I'm here to talk if you want to.
*hugs*
Liz x
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