I dont know why I dont want to stop, its not a thought that has really entered my head. Stopping would mean breaking my self destructive cycle and right now I dont want to do that. My mind is set on self destruction, it wants to do the most damage that it can. So the thought of stopping isnt one that my mind wants to tollerate.
My therapist keeps trying to wrk with me on ways to delay things and bring up alternative coping straterges as I am on the waiting list for psychotherapy and EMDR. However once I get to the top of the list, I need to be able to prove that I am stable enough for treatment. Which is why she wants me to find other coping things.
I see her on Thursday and I am going to try to tell her this. Dont know how it will go though.
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