Thoughts
Find myself getting lost in them
And I am too afraid to admit to myself why
Facing it is almost as hard as experiencing it
I just want them to stay
But I know I can't ask for that much
I do not deserve their support
I do not deserve a thing
My body keeps getting covered
In more and more
Layers of fat
Drowning me, pulling me down
Find myself wishing I was back to the self abuse
For it was the only time I ever felt beautiful
At least I had self control back then
Back then everything was different
And nothing, nothing
Will ever be the same
Why I fear being left
I do not know
I only know that I can't cope on my own
This world is too cold, too dark
Too ugly
And I'm scared, extremely scared
Of losing and losing
Keep on losing
Everything that ever meant something to me
And the tears won't stop flowing
My heart won't stop aching
Until it eventually will be the death of me
And even though I am indeed
Already dead
On the inside
It haunts me
Day and night
Suffocates me slowly
Pulls me in tighter
And there is no way out
No way out
Of this place
I call hell