Triggers?
I'm trying so hard not to give in and to fight the urges.... but everything seems to trigger me?
I keep seeing 'sharp' objects, and I immediately think about what I could do with it.
All of the 'tools' are in a draw, away from everything else - it's sort of all my private stuff in one draw that can't be reached easily - but last night I found that I had managed to drop one of my blades - NO IDEA how, because I am always so careful, it was wrapped up and everything, but I just stared at it, and took it out of the fabric it was in, and I just stared and stared..... wishing that I would do it, but at the same time fighting so hard not too. I put it on my skin and did the action - but I didn't like press, if you know what I mean? So, it didn't mark, it didn't cut and it didn't scratch. I was pleased that I hadn't done it, but I felt like such a failure at the same time?
I see things that are sharp, or something like that.... and it's there, the image, the feeling that I NEEEEED to do it. I'm fighting it with everything in me, even every day objects are triggering me really badly, and other than laying in bed all day - I don't know what else I can do?
It's wherever, whatever I look at..... everything and anything. Some worse than others, but it's just things that should have no effect, and as soon as I see them, I can't stop thinking about it -
I've managed 5 days... well, 4 and a half..... Not that great, but it's the longest I have gone in so long, but I don't know how long it'l last?
What can I do?
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