I'm sorry, I don't think anything I could say will be able to take away the pain you so obviously are in right now. If I had a magic wand and could take it from you to lift the burden, I would.
I know how you feel and I understand how destroying the urges to cut are, but what I can see from standing outside your situation is that you did something amazing today.
Despite all those urges to cut - you didn't. I'm not sure who "he" is or what he did to you but don't let him make you feel you need to punish yourself.
Don't write his hate on your arms. You're worth more than that.
You're not a bad person, you're just in pain and worth every bit of help that could come your way.
You said "he" would come back and punish you....honey are you in trouble?
Is there anywhere safe you can go that would relieve the pressure and the fear for a while?
I'm always happy to help or offer advice wherever I can and I can see your beauty shining through, whatever you may feel about yourself, I see differently.
Please, please pm me anytime, we can talk about anything. You can cry, scream, vent, anything, I'm always here if you need someone.
I realise I'm not the best at giving advice, but my care and concern are genuine and I wish I knew how to make it better for you.
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