RYL Forums - View Single Post - Total and utter self-loathing (bit of a vent, sorry)

Seraphsigh · 17-04-2008, 07:34 AM

Sometimes it helps me to compare my self deprecation to what I believe in and expect from other people. For example, I'm absolutely positive that I would never think as badly of another person as I would myself. Okay. When I see another person, regardless of whether or not I like them, I am never as critical of them as I am myself...also, what I do critique in them is a reflection of what I critique in myself. Think of people you know, talk about, love, hate, admire, trust, brush by. How many of them do you think of as a bad person? As an ugly person? As someone who doesn't deserve anything?
This is the only thing I can offer, which is basically a conglomeration of what I've been thinking about for a year or so.
What I've found is that
a) If I can convince myself that I am a good and beautiful person, most of the people I come in contact with will consider me to be good and beautiful.
b) Telling myself that the past dictates my future sets me back by years of learning.
c) Telling myself that I have all the options in the world, that everything that has happened has only served to make me wiser, that the future starts right now, has made me stronger and more sure of myself.
d) Being sure of myself lets me trust people more because I don't feel that being hurt again will kill me, end me, debilitate me, etc.
e) Forcing myself to look at my scars and see them as markings of the past (no matter how recent the past) helps keep my mind facing forwards.
f) The more I let myself think and resolve things, dabble in thoughts of pride in who I am and where I am, the more positive things come to pass.
But it takes so much time and so much recognizing the little things that change.

Well, that was more than you bargained for, I know. Sometimes I get into an idea...It's late and I'm spewing tired information, but I hope some of it can help you.

All I really wanted to say is that you are not at all pathetic, and you are in good company with your thoughts. Obviously, we're all here to support you.

*hugs, profuse apologies for talking too much*

D'Arcy

17-04-2008, 07:34 AM	#6
Seraphsigh Jeder Engel ist schrecklich Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: US I am currently:	Sometimes it helps me to compare my self deprecation to what I believe in and expect from other people. For example, I'm absolutely positive that I would never think as badly of another person as I would myself. Okay. When I see another person, regardless of whether or not I like them, I am never as critical of them as I am myself...also, what I do critique in them is a reflection of what I critique in myself. Think of people you know, talk about, love, hate, admire, trust, brush by. How many of them do you think of as a bad person? As an ugly person? As someone who doesn't deserve anything? This is the only thing I can offer, which is basically a conglomeration of what I've been thinking about for a year or so. What I've found is that a) If I can convince myself that I am a good and beautiful person, most of the people I come in contact with will consider me to be good and beautiful. b) Telling myself that the past dictates my future sets me back by years of learning. c) Telling myself that I have all the options in the world, that everything that has happened has only served to make me wiser, that the future starts right now, has made me stronger and more sure of myself. d) Being sure of myself lets me trust people more because I don't feel that being hurt again will kill me, end me, debilitate me, etc. e) Forcing myself to look at my scars and see them as markings of the past (no matter how recent the past) helps keep my mind facing forwards. f) The more I let myself think and resolve things, dabble in thoughts of pride in who I am and where I am, the more positive things come to pass. But it takes so much time and so much recognizing the little things that change. Well, that was more than you bargained for, I know. Sometimes I get into an idea...It's late and I'm spewing tired information, but I hope some of it can help you. All I really wanted to say is that you are not at all pathetic, and you are in good company with your thoughts. Obviously, we're all here to support you. hugs, profuse apologies for talking too much D'Arcy
	Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae. Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!