I'm sorry but this is nothing WE can answer; only a professional of some sort (plus HARD work on your part) can ever answer this.
If you have no help; look for some.
Call a crisis line, ask where you go from there.
If you were TRULY 'happy' with your life like this you wouldnt be on this forum asking advice.
Look for help is all we can say.
Best of luck
There IS better out there, there really is...after over 30 yrs of depression et al i'm finding that out.
romp
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