hey hun, you have been through some terrible things but things can better you just need to ask for help. you cant change what has happened but you can look foward and into your future, think of how you want it to be and strive for that. i think you need to possibly have your medication changed so go talk tour gp about that.
you need to surround yourself by safe and supportive people who will help you through this if you have no one i suggest going to the hospital and explaining things exactly as you have done here and see if they can keep you in and keep an eye on you till you feel safe again.
take care hunny xoxo
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