I dont think I will ever e able to be content in the knowledge that it willnever happen again!
This is because....i first self harmed when I was 9...didnt know what it was then or that it had a name. only did it a few times....then again when i was bout 12..still knew nothing bout it...stopped again
next time I was bout 14..again knew nothing bout it but hell did I have bruising!
Then Next time was when I was 15 or 16...still knew nothing (how dim was I!) but then was talking to a mate who had self-harmed and he showed me a scar and it was thenit clicked! I then showed him a scar I have had since i was 9!
I then started slef-harming all the time when I was 17...it started off just once every couple of weeks so I thought nothing of it...then it got to once a week then once a day...it eventually became once every two hours which was really scary! I kept it to myself for as long as possible but it really scared me so told my friends...
After a few years I landed myself in hospital...should have been plenty of times before but this time it was life or death and knew I had to go and that I had to admit it to my mum! That was the kick up the bum i needed and I forced myself to recover because so many of my friends got so scared that they were going to lose me that I could not bear doing that to them!
Ever since then..i have been pushing myself to recover but i dont think i will ever be secure in the knowledge that I will become totally free! But maybe one day....you never know!
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