^^
I know exactly what people mean about Loving there scars
I'm really weirdly obsessed with mine, like....sometimes I absolutly hate them and I just feel absolutly disgusted with myself for ever doing what I've done to myself.
It's just, urgh. Like, other peoples reactions to them, and how disgusting they look, and how I can never go back , they're like a permanant reminder that I'm a
weak idiot.
I hate it when anybody in the hospital I'm in (doctors or w/e)
mention them, urgh. They make me feel like a crazy person.
BUT the other half of me
LOVES them, like in a really weird obsessive way
I do get jealous of other peoples,
It's like, I want more and more scars and worse ones than I've already got
Which is odd considering I hate the ones I've got.
It's complicated. I would say the best description of my realtionship with my scars is yes,
LOVE-HATE, but maybe a better one would be
Obsessive.
I used to have this weird thing where I would leave a lesson in college half way through to just look at my scars, just to stare at them and touch them. Sounds crazy. I just need them, it's like, I
crave scars
It's like I've never got enough or they're never big enough.
It's almost like an alternative to SI'ing that hurts less? or somthing
Just looking at my scars has stopped me SI'ing in the past.