Chapter 109
Frank felt so guilty. He let Gerard do that too him without knowing just a few hours ago he almost did it with Tom.
For the third time that night he felt the tears fall from his eyes and soak the pillow. He slowly turned on his side to face away from Gerard, carefully not to wake up. He stared into the dark room.
Why had his life become such a ****up? What had he done to deserve this. He felt sick. He felt Dirty. He cried like he had never cried before.
Tom entered his home behind Bill finding Kiro, Amy and Hannah sitting at the kitchen table.
"Okay Ich liebe Dich is I love you" said Amy looking at Kiro.
"I loove yoou" said Kiro in a think German accent.
"Okay almost. I love you"
"I love you" Said Kiro. His accent still strong.
Why did Tom have to walk into the conversation at this point? He felt guilty even more. He felt dirty. It was all his fault. It wasn’t Franks, His hormones and emotions were controlling him. What was Toms excuse? He didn’t have one.
He shuffled into the room and sat down at the table and greeted his friends then gave his boyfriend a kiss. No matter what he did know he felt dirty.
He had took advantage of Frank.
Both times Frank had been weak. Both times Frank had been upset. Both times it was Tom making the first move.
He was going to be sick.
Without a second thought Tom jumped up from the table and ran to the toilet only to spill his contents of his stomach and let the tears fall.
Why? Why was he messing up everyones life.
"Are you okay?" asked Kiro walking in to the bathroom and kneeling down to his boyfriend. Tom wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and buried his face in Kiros chest.
"Its all my fault" he sobbed. "If it wasn’t for me, nothing would of happened" He looked up at Kiros face and saw him staring down into his eyes and Kiro wiped Toms tears away. "Kiro, why am I such a screw up?"
Frank lay there. Hours of past, he wasn’t sure how many but he knew a lot. The sun was coming up and Gerard was snoring softly beside him. Carefully he removed Gerards arm from his waist and rose from the bed. He pulled on a t-shirt and made his way downstairs and into the kitchen. He poured himself an orange juice since Gerard had banned him from having coffee, claiming it was bad for the baby.
Frank sat down at the kitchen table and looked down. There was the picture. The picture of his unborn son.
Frank picked up the picture and stared at it.
"I'm so sorry" he whispered and gently kissed the picture.
A couple of hours later Gerard woke up. He rolled over to find an empty space where his boyfriend should have been He had been so worried about Frank lately. He hardly slept and he hardly ate. He got up and threw on some clothes and made his way downstairs.
"Frank?" he shouted and he got no reply.
Before he got the chance to shout again he noticed a white piece of paper on the kitchen table. He walked into the kitchen and picked up the paper.
His name was scribbled on the front in Franks handwriting.
He slowly undid the paper and read the letter.
Gee,
I'm so sorry, but I have to go away for a while. I'm leaving for a bit. I'm not going far but I'm not telling you where, I need time on my own. You’ll know why. Don’t worry about me. Ill be with someone who will look after me.
You may want to know why I have gone. You might think its because of you not telling me that you could change me. Maybe you think that’s its because of the cutting.
And to some extent yes it is.
But Gerard, that’s not the whole reason. I couldn’t tell the reason to your face. I couldn’t see you that hurt.
Gerard, I slept with Tom. We almost did again last night, just before you found me in the bathroom. I'm so sorry. I love you so much I never meant to hurt you.
Please go nice on Tom it was as much my fault as it is his. I never tried to stop it. I'm sorry.
I love you so much and I never wanted to hurt you.
I hope you can forgive me. I really do.
You will always be in my heart. I will always think about you.
I will always love you.
Frank.
On the back a picture of their son was attached. A tear marked had made the ink run a little. Gerard clutched the picture and letter to his heart. The heart which has a chunk ripped out and stood on. The heard which was no longer complete.
Gerard let his own tears fall and he fell down in a chair.
|