It's hard to explain what I mean when I say that it's my fault. I've always had the feelings that it was my fault, no matter what anyone else might say to deter that. And then the fact that while I was not speaking to God over the death of my first grandmother, then my second grandmother died...I always felt like God made her die to get me to talk to Him again, or something...
Oh, to bring up something that has been bothering me in just general debate--I don't think I can ever be married. The reason for this being not that I wouldn't like to be in a happy marital situation, but that I have been told all my life that the male is the dominant in a relationship, and I will not be dominated. I've watched my mother be dominated all my life, have been a dominant relationship that was abusive, and I refuse to do it again. I mean, just because a person is male does not make him my better. True, Jesus was male, but God does not have a sex. We attribute Him with a male sex only because during the majority of the time the Bible was written, men were in power and had higher education levels, so those that were taught the Bible would be male and would empathize more with a patriarch than a matriarch. Nobody at the time would have listened to the daughter of God.
The point I'm bringing up here is...can't we have an equal relationship, without my having to "submit myself to my husband"? I don't want him to be the final word, to have a power over me. I want only God to have power over me.
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