I-Feel-Infinite - we don't have to be all the way there for baptism. being a christian isn't about being perfect. it is ok to have doubts, it doesn't mean you're not ready. i know how you feel about not being worthy of salvation. every sunday at mass my thoughts tell me i'm not worthy to take communion, i'm a sinner, how can i possibly approach our Lord. i receive it anyway. i think if we don't, we risk turning away from Him. Christ came because we could never be worthy by our own actions but He loves us anyway. the grace of baptism is a grace God keeps giving. maybe you can't accept it now, but it's there. it is ok to mess up, even in big ways, after baptism, because God is mercy and forgiveness, and wants us for who we truly are, right now. He doesn't want to wait until we're perfect, we never will be without Him.
God never rejects anything we have to offer. if all we have is fear, tiredness, doubts and a reliance on self-harm, He will take them. to turn away from His gift is to recall Christ's agony on the cross, rather than diminish it. He won't force you to go to Him, He has given us free will and he will wait however long it takes for you to be ready.
idk about the short-sleeves. for baptism we just have something white on, it's not total immersion, and for confirmation you just where whatever you like. perhaps you could talk to your pastor about it, and your other worries about baptism too?
|