I understand where you're coming from. I have always had the need to physicalize pain outwardly to get rid of it...or feel as though I have expressed it. When I stopped cutting the urge to do other things to replace it was so bad I didn't know what to do. Panic became everything and chaos filled my brain.
Things I did to relieve it were drawing cuts in pen or sharpie slowly over my body and then washing them out, drawing, journaling, running, screaming into pillows, exhausting myself physically, and now I have started doing kickboxing (the instructor makes me hurt...makes me tell him I enjoy it...and it really gets all my agression and pain out.)
Find something to make your life seem better...a hobby you can throw yourself in completely makes cutting seem as though it doesn't matter anymore because there is a new outlet.
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