Drugs are definately not the answer and neither is SI or becoming obsessive about weight and all that stuff. You seem very stressed and that can put your mind into the idea of wishing you could control everything...especially yourself... to a T. Well sorry it isn't possible to absolutely control everything. If you wish to lose weight please do it the natural way. Laxatives and diet pills can really screw up your metabolism and are ADDICTIVE!!! If you really want something to do to clear your mind go for a run and just try to push yourself physically that way but do not obsess please!!!! That is dangerous as well.
You are a strong person and very driven from what I can see. You can beat all of this stuff in your head. Be safe!!!
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