Sorry for the delay... Writer's block and school work don't go together.
Sylvie tilted her head up, her blue eyes swarming with tears. A sheepish, uncomfortable smile tugged at her lips. It was her smile when she couldn't cry. Big, gentle, hazel eyes met her gaze. A gaze that seemed so sure of itself. So directed.
“Now,” Silisia began softly, her voice careful and calculating, just like a good psychologist should be. “What do you think Xella expects from you?”
There was a definite emphasis on the word 'you'. Sylvie watched the tilted head, the small smile, each subtly movement, looking for a reaction or a direction to the right answer. She cast a quick uncertain glance at Xella, hoping she'd save her from her misery. She didn't. Her gaze was expectant and almost curious. There was an expectancy to succeed. Not from Silisia or Xella but from within herself. What did Xella expect? Her mind screamed at her. She had to be perfect. The perfect Christian. The perfect patient. The perfect person. She cast an unsure look at Silisia who remained silent and expectant.
“N-not to disappoint her,” she said trying her hardest to get a vaguely right answer.
“And?” Silisia probed, trying to get more out of the moment. Sylvie felt a twinge of irritation and desperation. Always that 'and' looking for more.
“I guess that's it,” she answered illusively. It wasn't it. She needed to be perfect and until then she wouldn't meet anyone's expectations.
“What do you think of that Xella?” Silisia asked, trying to shatter the illusion Sylvie had so carefully built to protect herself.
“I don't expect that,” she answered directly, her voice depicting her strong nature. “I want you to find yourself. I want you to be more you. More spontaneous.”
Before the sentence was finished, angry, disappointed voices screamed at her. “You failed.” A tight, painful feeling arose in her chest. She couldn't be who she really was. She was too messed up and broken, like shattered shards of glass being put together by clumsy, bloody hands. She couldn't show anyone. Day by day she acted behind a smile then hacked away at herself when things got too bad. Tonight she'd have to, just to get through. She shut her eyes and shuddered.
he felt Xella gently squeeze her hand which brought her back to the present. The room swarmed slightly then grew and a sense of disassociation washed over her. There was a deep sense that she'd never make it. Not in life. Not even in therapy. She was nothing in this big world and then only company she really had was her fake little smile.
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