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blondiebear · 12-03-2008, 01:51 AM

Okay, as it turns out i'm not having flashbacks since they aren't disabling and don't involve all of my senses. They are intrusive memories says my psych. Thanks, the definition of flashbacks just didn't fit but was the best word I could find for it.

Not only is Jerre a mean authoritarian hillbilly, he is clueless. Today's memory, Jerre trying to modify a pattern for a vest that was a part of the uniform for hs choir. Jerre almost shouting at me about my weird figure. I wasn't fat! I have a short waist and am seriously pear shaped. Just like his mother. Dunno if I've mentioned this before but last time I looked at my hs yearbook, when I saw myself in a photo, I asked that girl why she felt like she was so ugly. She was quite pretty. Julia was/is ugly and couldn't stand the competition.

I'm totally humbled by something one of my friends did. We've been pen-pals and friends for almost 25 years. She knows I've not been doing well, that I've been going through depression etc. I haven't been emailing messages as often as I used to. So she phoned me to see how I was doing. Long distance from Ontario Canada. She didn't have the money to pay for the whole prescription of antibiotics for her 4 year old daughter, had to wait until her 20 year old son got paid Tuesday to get the rest of the prescripton. Her daughter has Scarlet Fever and my friend can't afford all of the antibiotics.
And she phoned me to see how I was doing. I'm tearing up in gratitude. There's nothing I can say to explain how humbled and grateful I am.
While we were talking, her four year old learned how to open the front door to go outside in the snow, sick with a rash and fever. I'm laughing, that is so like that child!
I'm closer to my friend who lives 2500 miles away than I am to my sis who is 25 miles away. I've seen my friend more recently too.

I have 60 days no SI today. Again. The first time around I looked forward to adding the white bead to my bracelet, this time I had to remind myself to do it. It doesn't feel like a victory this time, it feels like yeah, so what, I had 60 days/two months before too. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and working on what has been tearing me apart for so many years.

I'm fortunate that a high school girl in Ontario Canada wanted a pen pal in 1983. I'm humbled and blessed by her gift of friendship.

12-03-2008, 01:51 AM	#14
blondiebear Bringing back the lost art of Sewing Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: California Confusion I am currently:	60 days...again Okay, as it turns out i'm not having flashbacks since they aren't disabling and don't involve all of my senses. They are intrusive memories says my psych. Thanks, the definition of flashbacks just didn't fit but was the best word I could find for it. Not only is Jerre a mean authoritarian hillbilly, he is clueless. Today's memory, Jerre trying to modify a pattern for a vest that was a part of the uniform for hs choir. Jerre almost shouting at me about my weird figure. I wasn't fat! I have a short waist and am seriously pear shaped. Just like his mother. Dunno if I've mentioned this before but last time I looked at my hs yearbook, when I saw myself in a photo, I asked that girl why she felt like she was so ugly. She was quite pretty. Julia was/is ugly and couldn't stand the competition. I'm totally humbled by something one of my friends did. We've been pen-pals and friends for almost 25 years. She knows I've not been doing well, that I've been going through depression etc. I haven't been emailing messages as often as I used to. So she phoned me to see how I was doing. Long distance from Ontario Canada. She didn't have the money to pay for the whole prescription of antibiotics for her 4 year old daughter, had to wait until her 20 year old son got paid Tuesday to get the rest of the prescripton. Her daughter has Scarlet Fever and my friend can't afford all of the antibiotics. And she phoned me to see how I was doing. I'm tearing up in gratitude. There's nothing I can say to explain how humbled and grateful I am. While we were talking, her four year old learned how to open the front door to go outside in the snow, sick with a rash and fever. I'm laughing, that is so like that child! I'm closer to my friend who lives 2500 miles away than I am to my sis who is 25 miles away. I've seen my friend more recently too. I have 60 days no SI today. Again. The first time around I looked forward to adding the white bead to my bracelet, this time I had to remind myself to do it. It doesn't feel like a victory this time, it feels like yeah, so what, I had 60 days/two months before too. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and working on what has been tearing me apart for so many years. I'm fortunate that a high school girl in Ontario Canada wanted a pen pal in 1983. I'm humbled and blessed by her gift of friendship.
	My husband is my best friend. In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.