Hey there, first off, welcome to ryl, I sincerely hope you find it helpful. Now, can you try and describe a little bit about why you think you may be suffering from depression/beginning to suffer? The more information we have, the more we can help you, and there are a lot of depressives on this site so we might be able to give you an incling whether or not you have it, though of course we an't provide any kind of sure medical opinion.
It's completely understandable that you prefer to talk about things with people you don't know, this way you can insure confidentiality and don't have to deal with the emotions and thoughts of people close to you. Here you don't have to excuse or explain yourself, we get it. Have you any idea why you find it hard to show people you are struggling though? Because admitting you need help is one of the hardest, strongest things to do, and to be honest you are only being weak when you let the fear of getting help stop you getting what you need.
However if you aren't ready to talk to anyone face to face we are here for you, and you can post anytime, and though a reply may take a while as everyone here has there own issues and so on, eventually someone will give you some support. Also if you look at the top of your forums there is a Live Assistance icon, and if you click on that if you are desperate a supporter will either talk to you there and then in an IM set up, or will reply to your email as soon as they come online. As a member of that team I invite you to pm me anytime you need a chat and a listening ear.
Wow sounds like you are having a really hard time there sweetheart, no wonder you are struggling! *cuddles you* do you have any kind of support network at all? A school counseller, a good friend, your 'fairy godmother'? You don't have to tell them your problems, just make it clear that understandably you are under immense pressure and need some time to talk it out and maybe get access to some advice on what to do. Please try not to beat yourself up about not going to see your father-everyone needs to use a little self preservation and I'm pretty sure that if he knew how badly this was affecting you he would much rather you didn't visit than cause yourself even more distress.
I honestly have no idea what to do about your situation, my only advice would be to try and talk to a counseller, trusted teacher or friend who knows the country and might have some ideas on what to do. I think you are handling this astoundingly well and I hope you can be at least a teeny bit proud of yourself. Also try and remember, hard as it is, your mother and your sister though you love them are not your responsibility.
I strongly suspect from the way you described it if you do have depression it is caused by factors in your environment and not chiefly a chemical inbalance-both are extremely difficult to deal with and get over, but it is entirely possible, and the type you are describing has a much better rate of complete recover. A doctor or nurse would be able to analyse your moods and such better than we can, do you have a school nurse or access to a GP doctor that you could talk to about your moods?
take care, keep fighting, well done for getting this out,
katy
xxx
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