Hey darling,
Suicide dates; I'm familiar with that. Honestly, you need to tell someone. I know you said you've talked to your doctors but you need to tell them again and again that you're not safe and you need their help to be. Have you considered a short admission in a hospital to keep you safe?
As far as the actually day goes, screw it up! Get rid of what you need to complete it, interrupt your day, have a marathon RYL-chat session; just, keep busy, avoid anything to do with your plan. Maybe even, the fact you don't want to do it will come in and you will somehow stop yourself. Suicide is a strong and powerfully hard thing to do, if you don't want to, it's going to be very difficult. Hell, even if you want to it's hard.
Honestly though, please try and reiterate to the people around you that you need help.
And my memory is shocking, I black out and forget things all the time. I don't know why, though, sometimes I think it's just because I am preoccupied with too much in my mind. I know how you feel, though, you're not alone.
Please, be safe. You can get through this.
xoxoxo
Aimee.
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