Thanks for the replies!
I'll try to go to the appointment. My overriding thought at the moment though is not to to be honest. I've seen all the others and another lecture about 'wanting' all this to happen to me considering how bad I feel anyway would push me over the edge. I wish that was an exaggeration but it isn't
With the specialist I need several hundred pounds at the moment I lose money every month just paying for my essentials - I have no money left over at all - it's one of the reasons I don't see anyone and have no heating because I can't afford to (and why I get no visitors!). That was why I felt justified asking for help to go cos I knew I could never afford to pay for it. When I asked about cancelling and rebooking they said I must been seen within two months of the original date or my referral will be cancelled altogether and there is no way I could get another referral when drs say he is wrong. Also he only sees patients in London so I have to go there and the tests have to be done there cos of the equipment needed.
Anyway I'm going to go for a wander round the Internet for a bit I think and maybe go out for the day tommorow, though I don't feel too good physically I'm hoping that's temporary!