I've had the day from hell today. My GP finally admitted there is no intention of treating my physical illnesses/symptoms. This came about because I said I cannot afford to see a specialist in london for an appointment and was asking for funding and why their advice was ignored last year. She wants my DLA stopped (which I have for my physical problems) until I have been taking antidepressants for several months and I show evidence of 'effort'.
I should apparently be grateful that I do not have 'real' disabilities.
The fact I no longer attend A&E when 'physically' ill means my symptoms have gone away. The fact that I no longer ask for help when suicidal/ODing (or tell anyone anywhere when I have) means I no longer feel suicidal. (The actual reasons are that I have been banned from doing so because the psych clinic put in my notes I am attention seeking and there is no way I'll ever commit suicide and lets be honest folks who wants to ask someone for help when in a state who responds with the words 'you don't want to die if you did you wouldn't be here' or 'you asked for help before and didn't end up dead then so you are a classic timewaster').
Work are still bullying me for daring to be off and calling me selfish and stupid. My contract finishes soon and I have no idea what I'll do for money.
I don't know who is right. I don't know who I can trust. The specialist said it wasn't effort but the psych dept say it is.
I've been PMing a supporter but now find it triggering to do so which is really really bad cos it was helping me so much. Even live help is a problem now.
Gah. I hate drs. I feel so
right now. So I apologise if this doesn't make any sense. I have 3 days to fill before I see a consultant psych (assuming I go) any suggestions?